Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
