walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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