So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
