I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
