im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
