Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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