Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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