She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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