Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if only i could text you this smell
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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