shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
