it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
