hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
