She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
