i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
