I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
