Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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