I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
