you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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