Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I fill condoms, not promises.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
