I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
