So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
