SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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