she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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