i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
