"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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