If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
