I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You took a bar mat shot.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
