Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
