Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
