id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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