My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
