eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
