Rock
Scissors
Fuck
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
