it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
