Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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