can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
