She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
