if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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