we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We named our party play list daddy issues
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
