hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
