did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What a dumb baby whore.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
