you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
