Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So squirting runs in the family.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
