Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
