Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
