Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
