Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
