Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
