i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
