"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
