Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
