can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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