I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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