His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
